"The Woman of Substance" (August 10, 2025 Sermon)

Text: Proverbs 31:10-31

Each Sunday this summer, we have explored the story of at least one woman in the Old Testament. Today’s woman is named Wisdom because she comes from the Book of Proverbs, and the concept of “wisdom” is expressed in the feminine in Hebrew. So, from the start, it’s best not to see “The Woman of Substance,” as she is often called, as a literal person, but rather as a metaphor for the fruits of wisdom that we all should embrace, regardless of our gender.

This text is a liturgical landmine of sorts, mainly because of how it has been interpreted over the years in ways that impose unreasonable expectations on women. When viewed this way, we call her Superwoman! She wakes up every morning at 4:30 to meditate, do yoga, pay the bills, and prepare the kids’ lunches for school. She drops off her kids at school just in time to head to her office, where she acts as the mayor of her city. She spends her days negotiating business deals and settling disputes. She takes a 30-minute lunch break every day, during which she multitasks to schedule her social media posts for her Instagram feed, showcasing her perfectly immaculate home with every shot carefully arranged to hide any mess or clutter. In the afternoon, she picks up the kids and takes them home, helping them with their homework while running a Zoom meeting for the non-profit where she’s Chair of the Board. She then cooks dinner and puts the kids to bed before heading to her church to lead a weekly Bible study. She swings by her parents’ house to check that they’ve taken their medicine and paid their bills. Finally, she makes it home in time to pay her own bills and prepare food for the rest of the week. She goes to bed around midnight, only to wake up at 4:30 the next day to do it all over again!

This text is especially troubling when many of us compare ourselves to idealized and manipulated images of life promoted by social media influencers. Proverbs 31 is ultimately a blessing that has often been misused as a burden. Instead of using it to praise the women in our lives for all they do to lead, support, create, and nurture, it has been passive-aggressively wielded to remind women of why they’re not “enough." Perhaps it’s healthier for us to think of “the Woman of Substance” not as a single woman, but as a symbol of the best qualities found in all the women around us! Expecting one person to embody such perfection in every aspect of their life is cruel. However, viewing this poem as a love letter to all the women in our lives seems, in my opinion, a more realistic and gracious approach.

In some Jewish traditions, the intended audience of this passage isn’t for women but for men! A Hasidic practice involves men singing this song to their wives every Sabbath dinner on Friday evenings as a way of praising their spouses and thanking them for everything they do for their families. In this context, Proverbs isn’t a weapon but a way to honor the dedicated work of women. I find this practice much less problematic than the traditional practice in many Christian churches of only reading this text either on Mother’s Day or at women’s funerals.

I wonder if there’s a way we can read this text without adding to the guilt the women in our lives already feel for not living up to patriarchal expectations. I wonder if, instead, I can one day read this to my two daughters to remind them of all they’re capable of. “Hazel Grace and Winnie,” I might say, “you are capable of all these things. You can be a supportive spouse, a successful business owner, an advocate for justice, a pillar of wisdom, and keep the trains runnin’ on time. But those things are not a measure of your self-worth. You are beloved by me and by God whether you do some, all, or none of those things!” What a message that might send to the women and girls among us?

I also wonder what benefits we might gain from promoting these qualities as ideals for everyone to develop, regardless of gender. After all, none of the traits described in Proverbs 31 have to be limited to any one gender. In my marriage, for example, Tricia handles most of the finances and runs her own business, while I do most of the cooking and cleaning. Our two daughters will grow up seeing their father in the kitchen more often than their mother, and that’s okay! Interestingly, although Proverbs 31 has often been used in somewhat patriarchal ways, the text itself challenges our current gender politics. The Woman of Substance in Proverbs 31 is not a submissive wife. Instead, she is portrayed as an active agent practicing self-determination and independence. Just listen to some of the verbs she uses: she seeks, works, brings, rises, provides, considers, girds, makes, perceives, opens, reaches, supplies, laughs, and looks. These are the actions of a well-rounded person who is generous, kind, thoughtful, and perceptive.

As I was prepping for this sermon, my wife Tricia shared with me these words from the late, great Rachel Held Evans, who had a Jewish friend named Ahava who taught her the following of this passage:

“Ahava repeated a finding I’d discovered in my research, that the first line of the Proverbs 31 poem—“a virtuous woman who can find?”—is best translated, “a woman of valor who can find?” (The Hebrew is eshet chayil, “woman of valor”; the male equivalent is gibor chayil, “man of valor.”)  To make this fact even more fun, Ahava explained to me that she and her friends cheer one another on with the blessing, celebrating everything from promotions, to pregnancies, to acts of mercy and justice, to battles with cancer with a hearty “eshet chayil”! (Think of it as something like the Jewish “you go girl.”)”

“This discovery led me to declare “woman of valor!” when a good friend finished seminary, when my mom beat breast cancer, when my sister ran a half marathon. According to Ahava, valor isn’t about what you do, but how you do it. If you are a stay-at-home mom, be a stay-at-home mom of valor. If you are a nurse, be a nurse of valor. If you are a CEO, a pastor, or a barista at Starbucks, if you are rich or poor, single or married—do it all with valor. That’s what makes you a Proverbs 31 Woman, not creating a life worthy of a Pinterest board.”

So, friends, let us consider the wisdom of this passage and be reminded that God doesn’t call us to perfection but to faithfulness. Hear the wisdom of this passage and give yourself a break. Hear the wisdom of the passage and give your spouse a break. Because we all carry so much, and the last thing we need is to beat ourselves up for not being the Proverbs 31 woman 100% of the time. If I’m honest with myself, I consider myself successful if I demonstrate 25% of the qualities mentioned in this passage on any given day.

And I’m also planning to give myself a homework assignment this week. Once every day for the next seven days, I’ll call Tricia and the girls ‘women of valor!’ I’ll practice saying “eshet chayil” to them whenever I feel grateful for them. When Tricia helps a client with their mental health, I’ll say to her, “eshet chayil!’ When Hazel Grace feels anxious about trying something new but pushes through and does it anyway, I’ll say to her, “eshet chayil!’ When Winnie helps pick up her toys and puts her dish in the sink, I’ll say to her, “eshet chayil!’ I will do this not to suggest they need to do these things for me to love them. Instead, I want to remind them of what they already are: women and girls of valor! I also believe that doing this will help me become a better husband and father in the process.

So, if you’re so inclined, take some time this week to declare an important woman or girl in your life to be an “eshet chayil.”  And may we never cease to give thanks to God for the women and girls of valor in our life.

In the name of God the Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer, may all of us, God’s children, say: Amen.